I’ve recently learned the power of setting boundaries and making them clear. As a devoted mother, one’s energy can dissipate in the very act of forgetting about the need for “self care”, in the pursuit of loving your family. Exhausting all energy and forgetting to fill my own cup has brought me to the bank of a river, overflowing with the wisdom out of my own sheer thirst for guidance on how to move forward. In this, I have discovered the purpose of boundaries in self care, along with the very real need for honesty in facilitating the shifts to help ensure these are respected elements of our lives.
Motherhood is certainly another realm and a whole other level of self care, as I discovered right after publishing my 3rd book Self Care Medicine, when falling pregnant. Being honest about our feelings, as I’m learning can draw clear lines in the sand to prevent boundaries becoming blurred and unclear, to the detriment of our own energy reserves. To put it simply, I discovered that I had, over time, lost “myself” in my daily pursuits. I lost my strength, which is a well known aspect of birthing a child, in Traditional Chinese Medicine. New mothers become vulnerable and I was no exception. But in recovering my strength I am committed to commanding respect, having honest relationships, and telling people when my feelings are hurt by them…so any potential projections can immediately cease.
I have gone around in circles trying to prove myself to those that have underestimated me, when finally I have realised how simple it could have been to clearly spell out my feelings of hurt in the very experience of them. But as a new mother, hormones dictate the loving feeling of wanting to be “close” and that can cause a fear of insulting others or pushing them away. Instinctively a new mother wants intimacy, for the very survival of her offspring. So, in that time, I let some things slide…which I now see as a missed opportunity to spell out my boundaries, regardless of how others take it…Because ultimately we are each responsible for our own emotions.
I have dedicated myself to others to the point where I seemed to disappear, forgetting any need for time alone or time invested in my own soulful purpose…which is writing, reflection, star gazing astrology and helping people through feng shui and natural therapies. It’s a need of mine, something that feeds my soul. So in writing this yes, I am in a way re-newing my vows to the love that I have for spiritual growth and energetic alignment.
Part of this “alignment” theme in my life is also about being true to myself…in recognising my-self as an individual, beyond the many roles that I have. And that means declaring my boundaries. What I will and will not accept. One of those things that I hold dear to my heart is “directness”, clarity, respect and transparency in my relationships. So if there is something I’m feeling…that honesty is what I honour those feelings with, which is exactly what I expect from others. This is my line in the sand. To make it clear. I am honest, I am back. From becoming a new mother, I have returned to my self with wisdom so much greater than ever before! And I look forward to sharing my journey once again, the further I travel on the defining path ahead.