I was gifted a pearl of wisdom just the other day, in seeking guidance on a delicate matter…being me. It was a reminder of the importance of moving in the direction you are “pulled” as opposed to the direction in which you feel “pushed” into. My unconscious patterns have set me up in life quite well, to be “repelled” by things. And it’s only NOW that I am becoming crystal clear on this.
This “abandonment” / fight or flight fluster has had it’s roots so entangled in my foundations that I’ve not been able to recognise it as being a formation that need not continue to take hold and restrict me breathing any longer. Like soil needed to grow a bed of flowers, I have unknowingly allowed weeds to take hold where by the 3 year old in me still envisioning my mother taken to prison before my eyes, keeps repeating the same emotional pattern.
Each time I am faced with an opportune experience to push through this old way of being, I repel from the unwanted, fear the flood of emotion of abandonment and spiral into inner turmoil from the trauma once lived…repeating it and repeating it as though it were the same, only JUST NOW realising it’s in MY power to release it! And wow! What a space to be in! Power is another ball game! Entirely.
So what do I do with this? I actually don’t yet know. I’m sharing this with you in this moment, this very realisation. I see now that in this moment of time I am undergoing (yes another) significant Spiritual reconfiguration! I don’t know how good my grip is of the reins I now hold, but I’m glad I know that they exist…and that the direction my experience takes is in my hands. Surrounding this abandonment pattern I have created in my experience are many facets waiting exploration.
But I know that this spiritual reconfiguration entails the letting go of this innate programming in me that says RUN…for you (I) never want to feel that feeling of being “left” again. And oh how common this patterning is! We see it play out in many people’s lives and there is a whisper that says…”I know that feeling’. But when that whisper becomes an Ah-ha! moment, the rubiks cube clicks right into place! Divine synchronicity holds me now in a place that I have never been. One of supported grounding, that is so new to me…something I have prayed for to one day finally receive…to feel.
And here it is! So I celebrate the new meaning of my life right now. As I move forward I am aware that I will have much to break down in the way of old patterning and structures I once built on previous ways of being. And as daunting as It is, it’s also very inspiring! So I welcome this new phase as I write a new chapter of my life.