Here’s a thought to ponder…

Don’t focus on what you DON”T have or you will miss what’s there…what you DO have!

Focus alone can make a hell out of heaven or a heaven out of hell!

NEVER assume!

Comments I received yesterday arroused quite strong feelings within me on the subject of prejudice. This is not the first time I have had the prejudice of “privelige”. The first was when I was last pregnant and apparently “privileged” to consider a normal and dare I say “natural” homebirth!

What baffled me both times is these comments came from fellow homebirthers and homeschoolers! I mean hey…we are a minority! Aren’t we supposed to support one another?

To call and label someone (or a group of people) “privileged”… based purely on the fact that they are partnered in parenting is a sad misjudgement! An outright and unfortunate prejudice.

You have no idea what any one couple has been through to get where they are in order to be together firstly! Secondly, to assume someone has support from a “village”… based on the fact that they share an (Pink McKay meme) idea around relaxing while the children are young, sorely misses a point!

To assume that someone you have never met, has family support around them while rearing their children and labelling them privileged in such assumption, is a mistake at best.

Being on the receiving end of such prejudice, I want to take a moment to share something you may not know about me.

In my 5 years of motherhood we have had literally no more than a handful of 2-3 hours babysitting from my partner’s parents before moving to be close to them recently. Until 9 months ago, we were a long distance from them. I myself grew up in foster cares from age 3 and my very much absent parents died while I was a youth. My extended family was estranged since my childhood for various reasons I won’t divulge.

The day you chose to unleash your opinion of me was the 4th time my 5 year old child had EVER had a sleep over at her Nana and Poppies. Her first one was with her cousin a few months ago and one was for an urgent medical condition I was experiencing. 

The day before your comments I was planning on travelling from one side of the state to the other (4.5 HOURS)  next month JUST to attend your eco print dye workshop! My PARTNER was going to happily drive our family up and we were even looking at a nights accommodation locally to save a full day of driving with an infant!

To say I was disappointed by your comment that I MUST be “privileged” is an understatement. 

If gratitude for your family and children is “privileged” then I am guilty as charged! If agreeing that housework shouldn’t ALWAYS come before quality family time is “privileged” then Yes…I am! If being supported while breastfeeding, working from home, homeschooling and doing all of the housework in my home is a privilege, then yes, I am “privileged”.

I just don’t like to be compared with your life without you knowing anything about where I’ve been or what I’ve seen! 

NO, I do NOT have a village as you assumed. BUT I am grateful for what I DO have! In fact it’s why I am so determined to build one for families who ARE at a disadvantage without conventional care options because of our corrupt government! You may or may not know I’m a huge genuine advocate for our building parent community network (tribe or village if you will). 

This is because I KNOW what it’s like NOT to have a village! More than many! Before moving close to my partners parents, they were 90 minutes away and we never had more than a couple of hours care for our oldest, no more than a handful of times…for work!

Calling me privileged because of having family support, when It is the ONE THING that I value more than ANYTHING…And the one thing both I as well as my partner’s parents grew up WITHOUT…is an outright failure to see what matters, and absolutely prejudice! One of my partner’s parent’s father was widowed very early and one’s mother was also SINGLE with 6 children!

Perhaps it is you who needs to THINK. Think BEFORE having the prejudice of privilege on anyone you have never met, rich or poor, single or partnered! 

You NEVER know what one has privately been through! For saying I “must” be privileged with the support of a partner and family to even “THINK” about sharing a Pinky McKay meme ( https://www.facebook.com/pinky.mckay.fanpage/photos/a.10150748810608153/10157064945163153/?type=3&theater

about enjoying the messy baby / child years…is a demonstration of your world and YOUR state…NOT mine!